You can't feel excitement while in heels because they make your everything-else malfunction.

One-thousand-one.

You can't wear a hat that doesn't fit you, but you can wear the tassel as a moustache.

One-thousand-one.

You can't always be surprised with every flash of light that shrinks your iris and stretches your lips.

One-thousand-one.

You can't stand straight because of certain juju that cause your back to disappear under the sun.

One-thousand-one.

You can't shake everybody's hand even though most of them shake their heads anyway.

One-thousand-one.

You can't possibly have that loud an experience in a parking lot empty of vehicles.

One-thousand-one.

You can't bring bags but pins will assure your safety from the Bore Dome.

One-thousand-one.

You can't read about sheep if they force you to stand on your own tired lower extremities.

One-thousand-one.

You can't stop the yawns from infecting your personal bubble.

One-thousand-one.

You can't have two Slytherin Houses in Hogwarts, just like Dumbledore's Army cannot be composed of dementors that look like nuns.

One-thousand-too-many.

You can't bow on stage and the paper you'll receive is a lie. But you can wait. Even after you're done. Just because you're supposed to. You'll just wait.